I’m 4″11 and that poses some difficult situations in every day life, but today I’m going to tell you about my experience at festivals. I go to Leeds Festival every year, and it seems that either people are becoming unaware of small people in the world or I’m getting old and grumpy and my intolerance to people is diminishing because this year I got pissed off. Maybe it’s because I saw more of people’s armpits than the music I actually went to see. I don’t know but here are some of my festival struggles…
1. If you want any chance of seeing more than a tenth of a screen to the left or right of the stage… you’ll have to stand as far back as you can. So far that you might not even be able to see your favourite band on the stage anyway. HUFFS.
2. OR you can opt for the ‘fight your way to the front’ technique, and face the possibility of being squashed like an orange. Personally, being at a festival with 100,000 other people, this option scares me and I’d probably end up hating people that little bit more.
3. Hair, elbows, backs, backpacks. You name it, they’re in your face . Elbows just love to give you a headache and long curly locks of other ladies just love nestling in your mouth.
4. Oh. Did I mention that our faces are a perfect armpit height. I love songs with a good bass line drop. BUT when this happens in a busy hot and humid crowd….. you’ve had it! Many times have I gone to see some of my favourite dubstep/dance artists at festivals. I make this mistake every year. Every year I’ve had to come out of the crowd when the bass line drops due to sticky males with their tops off pounding down on my face with their moist armpits. A bruised sweaty face is just not ideal when you’re trying to enjoy yourself.
5. Hovering over the toilet is impossible! Friends say, ‘why don’t you just hover?’….. BECAUSE MY LEGS WONT LET ME!
6. On that note, hand sanitizer, baby wipes and piles of homemade tissue toilet seats are a must.Go the whole way and get a she wee.
7. People just don’t have any need to look down at festivals so I prepare to get walked into a lot, trampled and stepped on by people who just don’t realise I’m down here.
So yeah, when we look around at festivals in close proximities, we get to see shoulder blades and elbows hurtling towards us, moist armpits, backs, flaying hair aiming for our mouths and backpacks who’s favourite places are our faces. You taller people have a much more pleasurable view of the top of peoples heads bobbing around in front of your favourite band even if people still barge into you.
Am I getting salty?
Enough hating… here’s a polite note to everybody taller than me…
Note to taller people: When you’re bouncing up and down watching and enjoying your favourite band/artist…spare a thought for us little people. Please be aware of you’re surroundings, even the parts that are lower than you, not just to the sides, behind and in front of you. I understand that some of you are careful not to hurt anyone. Accidents happen. I also understand that most people at festivals are pissed as a fart or off their nut on all kinds of dodgy narcotics and this request may not be possible. BUT, it would be awesome if you could be a bit more short girl savvy!